Annoyed.

Just spent hours making a new resume on a *FREE* site.  Went to download it only to find out the only *free* part was creating the resume, can't email it, download it, print it without paying for it :(  Who would have even thought two weeks ago I'd be having to job shop because I was no longer wanted at my job of almost 14 years that I LOVED?

And He's Off!

Adam's left for his final semester at Penn State. I can't believe it.  We've been traveling to State College since June 2007 and now it's almost over :-(  It seems like just yesterday I was sobbing as we drove away after dropping Alyssa off for the summer LEAP program!  I am so proud of them both for working hard and getting a Penn State degree :)

This picture probably should have been taken prior to me sobbing in Adam's chest ;)

He's picking a friend up in Reading; I'm not sure where Nate's gonna put all his stuff.  Hopefully, he doesn't have too much!  My final question as he walked out the door was, "Do you have the snakes?!?!?!"

Christmas Concert

**Top pic taken by Jamie**

It's OK.

Well, it's one week since my RN position was eliminated.  My last post may have sounded like I was suicidal.  Not the case.  No job is worth that much.  The terrific hurt and significant feeling of betrayal will last a long time, but I'm hoping each day gets a bit easier.  Heck, I haven't shed a tear in over 25 hours....3 hours!

Everyone has just been so supportive, I've had so many phone calls, emails, FB messages, texts.  I've spoken with three of the physicians in the group; they were hearing the news for the first time from me. (I can't believe they hadn't been informed.  It's almost like I was custodial staff.)  They were all shocked and saddened; they had nothing but kind words for me.  One of the physicians paid me the highest compliment ever-he said I was the best thing that ever happened to that practice.

At this point, I'm working on updating my resume, and have done a bit of research on work from home nursing jobs.  I actually started applying for a job on-line the other night until I got to the part that I needed to upload my resume...hence the need to update it ;-)

It'll all be OK.....eventually.....

Damn.

Thank you to everyone who's been so supportive and had kind words for me this week.  It's been a rough few days, and I expect there will be more to come.  I don't think I'll ever understand why my job was eliminated; I really thought I was a valuable part of the team.  The whole thing is so hurtful.  Tears have flowed every day.  I loved my job, I loved my patients, I loved the physicians.

I am so worried about the patients that only want to talk to me; I hate the fact that they're going to call for me and will be told, "She's no longer here."  They won't know why; they won't know that this wasn't my choice.  I've known some of these patients for the entire time I was at the office.

So many things have gone through my mind this week....was there something I did wrong? Were the physicians unhappy with me?  Did a patient complain about me?  Just three months ago I was told how I was such an asset with my many years of experience and now I'm not necessary?  I've always had glowing evaluations.

Several years back I was told by one physician that he couldn't survive without me and I wasn't allowed to leave until he retired.  We shook on it.  What changed?  Why didn't he fight for me??  I did so much for him over the years.  Was that all for naught?  I thought I had a great relationship with all the physicians I worked with....I would have thought they would have fought for me.  Guess not.

I had physicians call me with questions....what is the protocol for this?....when do we put the patient on that?....I did research for them....I talked to other physicians for them....the list goes on and on.  My finger was always on the pulse of what was going on in the office.

My absolute favorite part of my job was our kidney transplant patients.  When I started in 1999, we had 57 transplant patients; that number has grown to over 225 patients.  I was referred to by one of the physicians as the 'Mother Hen' of the transplant patients.  I had a handle on many of the patients, I learned so much over the years about transplant.  I worked closely with the coordinators at Lehigh Valley Hospital.  One of them today told me that I was the 'glue for the transplant patients' and that I 'kept them on their toes.'  You don't know how much I appreciated that.

I had two of my co-workers tell me how I taught them so much over the years and how much they appreciated it.  That meant so much to me.

I am just devastated.  It hurts so bad.